The Quiet Courage of Saying Yes in a culture of No

... What happens when we lean toward possibility?

Current best-sellers and thought-leaders have a lot to say about saying No.

No helps us honor and protect our personal boundaries, our time and energy, our priorities.

Except when it doesn’t. (Hear me out on this).

No closes the door.

No guards the wall.

No mitigates the risks.

Except when it doesn’t.

Photo by Florian Schmetz on Unsplash

Nietzsche was the one who did the job for me. At a certain moment in his life, the idea came to him of what he called 'the love of your fate.' Whatever your fate is, whatever the hell happens, you say, 'This is what I need.' It may look like a wreck, but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a challenge. If you bring love to that moment--not discouragement--you will find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege! This is when the spontaneity of your own nature will have a chance to flow.

Then, when looking back at your life, you will see that the moments which seemed to be great failures followed by wreckage were the incidents that shaped the life you have now. You’ll see that this is really true. Nothing can happen to you that is not positive. Even though it looks and feels at the moment like a negative crisis, it is not. The crisis throws you back, and when you are required to exhibit strength, it comes.

~Joseph Campbell, Reflections on the Art of Living

What if we give ourselves permission to say “This is what I need”?

What if we give ourselves the grace we give others, and say, “This is where my heart is leaning”?

What if we take the risk and embrace the possibility that Yes could literally be the most positive response to our yearnings?

No guards us and guides us, sometimes. But I’m learning –slowly and kind of late in the game – that Yes can be a game-changer too.

“Nana, want to go on the zip-line with us?”

What if I’d said no? Oh, the fun I’d have missed. The adrenaline, the exhilaration, the discovery….

“Friend, want to go to London with us?” No, no, I said, and Yes, they encouraged. We want to see you smile. It was an extraordinary time with extraordinary friends.

No plays a critical role; Yes unleashes a unique kind of magic.

What if we give ourselves permission to say Yes, when our heart knows more than our head about our needs?

What if you and I say Yes to our deepest longings and knowings, Yes to our hearts, Yes to our wholeness?

{*as opposed to people-pleasing or “being nice” or avoiding conflict, or “going along to get along” or taking the easy road. Those aren’t healthy reasons to say Yes. Or No. Those just aren’t healthy objectives for making decisions.

Your values, your understanding of wholeness and holiness, your relationships with the people you love and the people who love you, your aspirations for yourself and your community — all of these things inform every Yes and every No and every Not Now or any other response. But, oh, there’s sweet freedom in liberating yourself from the need to keep everyone else happy. Also, it’s impossible so why use your energy there?}

If you’re concerned that saying Yes to your own dreams and desires is selfish, let me share two observations: 1) People who are kind and generous and self-aware enough to have concerns about being selfish are the least selfish people I know and 2) You get to choose.

So, in this busy moment, in this noisy world, in this confusing season, in this life that is yours, I hope you’ll lean toward the Yes that invites you toward your own beautiful wholeness.

Maybe, just whisper Yes?

In the shared quiet, an

invitation arises like a

white dove lifting from

a limb and taking flight.

Come and live in truth.

Take your place in the

flow of grace. Draw

aside the veil you thought

would always separate

your heart from love.

All you ever longed for is

before you in this moment

if you dare draw in a

breath and whisper "Yes."

~ from "White Dove" a poem by Danna Faulds

So, this is just a simple invitation to allow yourself the Yes you need today.

And, maybe, let us know how it goes?

I wish the best for you.