"What if, what if, what if...?"

... On the other hand, what IF??

What if?

What if this is the wrong turn
          the wrong tune
                   the wrong time? 
      What if I'm just wrong? 
               (I need to know, don't I?)

But what if?... the wind whispered...
      What if that's not the true question?

What if this world is always always always 
         turning 
              toward the dawn, 
                    toward the hope, 
                        toward your own heart          
                               and the whole and holy heart 
                                       of the whole world?
What if you get to witness this wild miracle?
               Maybe even be part of it?

What if THAT? the wind whispered. 
           And She waited a while.

No, I said, stubborn and stuck.
    Not now. Not yet.
The garden isn't ready, and anyway I'm terrible at weeding.
    How could any self-respecting plant grow here?
    What if the deer eat the azaleas and only the weeds thrive? 

This bruised and tender heart 
     these memories sweet and sharp?
Yes, there are cracks in everything and of course that's how the light gets in
       (and you know I love that song)
                  but the light that helps me find my way 
                        shows me, too, the unsure path.
        
And what if I'm not yet steady
                  not yet ready?

(*Oh, and one tiny observation: Questions fill my head; they always have; they are my friends; they are my lamps; they are essential. Also, they get tangled and messy.) 

What if? What if? What if? these questions ask, and they think of everything:
      What if no one reads your words
                 or what if they read and they don't care
                             or what if they care but not enough (for this insatiable ego)? 
      
What if this world gets stuck in fear?

      What if the roof leaks 
                 what if the battery dies
                          what if the smoke alarm goes off 
                                         and I can't make it stop?
      
      What if I can't learn the new language
                what if my hearing goes, 
                   what if I lose my library card
                             what then?

 What if we can't know how the story ends?

 What if, what if, WHAT IF ??
       
 What if those beautiful glimpses of hope
        out there on the far horizon
            What if they're only heat lightning and not the dawn of goodness; 
                    what if the sun doesn't rise; 
                                   what if it rises but we're not paying attention?


And the wind listened. And then She got quiet. and then She howled:

Consider this! the Spirit sang – 
     What if the what ifs are pointing in all the wrong directions?
                 What if we're bracing ourselves for the Bad Scary Thang 
                               and 
                  What if we're what-if-ing and we miss the Beautiful Wondrous Goodness
                              opening its heart and arms just for us, 
                                         just for all of us?

What if, just for a minute
           just for a moment
                just to see what happens...
    What if today
              we welcome the possible?
    What if today, we smile first and see if that stranger 
             (oh wait, maybe that's my neighbor) 
                        smiles back?
    What if, just for today, 
              just to test it out
                   just to try it on
                         what if today you and I 
                                open our fragile frightened 
                                      fierce hearts
                                          the tiniest little bit?
    

That's how the light gets in
             and that's how the light
                   gets out again 
                            too
      and that's how it shines again, dear one.
That's how the light shines again.

What if we choose the light?

What if?